Ode for Logan

Ode to Logan on the Occasion of the
Very First Anniversary of His Auspicious Birth

What can a mother say looking back on the first year of her son’s life?

As I am told by so many more seasoned and presumably wise parents, there are many inconveniences:

the interrupted or sleepless nights

the indignity of being peed on, vomited on, and even finding poop on an article of clothing and not being sure how it got there

the nips, pinches, and now more than often the acrobatic twists and contortions that accompany nursing

the helplessness to prevent the bumps, goose eggs, bruises, scrapes, and lots of tears that come with the tentative, wobbly first attempts to stand and then walk

the inability to form intelligent or sustained thought on any topic--ever
the loss of personal freedom to decide spontaneously to go somewhere or even get out of the house in under twenty minutes

the ever present guilt that we live with, when we are working that we are not with our families and when we are with our families that we are not working

While I might wish to say that many of these things are not true, I really can’t: In this past year, I have been exhausted, peed on, ended up with poop on my sock or my shirt or both, have breastmilk stains on the majority of my shirts, have been pinched to the point of breaking out into hives, had to endure wrestling-style nursing sessions, watched in fear and utter powerlessness as I couldn’t protect you from falling off the bed, been unable to concentrate on my project like I might like, and missed social events and even lost contact with a few friends...

But--I have you.

I have you.

You are my miracle - my little squishy alien bean who fought and stuck and stayed with me

You are my miracle - you fell asleep on my chest and breathed your little strange, hesitant baby breaths

You are my miracle - you trusted me with your care; you taught me what you needed and when and how

You are my miracle - you showed me a world of adventure, fearlessness, extroversion, and joy

You are my miracle - you showed me unconditional love in those big, wet open mouth kisses, the razberries on my belly and my breast while nursing, and even the insistent, “MAMA” when I walk in the door

You are my miracle - you find your work and your meaning in the day-to-day, in taking your diapers out the drawer and then replacing them, in moving magnets around on the door, in following Sadie around and around the house

You are my miracle - you teach me about what balance really means

You are my miracle - my son

And today, I celebrate you and your first year, Happy Birthday